Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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