Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
