I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
