I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
