I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
