Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
