Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
