Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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