It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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