i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
