Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
