oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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