I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
