Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
