no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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