One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
