you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
