No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
love makes seman taste better
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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