yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Is it penis luge time yet?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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