We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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