Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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