I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
