dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
