Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
