Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
is it fun? or sober?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
