i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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