So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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