guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I am naked and annoyed.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
