I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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