Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
