I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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