I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
