Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
