i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
