Girls should come with a carfax report
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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