Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
