mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
