I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
