So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
