I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
