i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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