she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
