so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Randomize
