I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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