NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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