i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
