I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
