What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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