I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
