I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
