The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
