yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
