theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
